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"Freshening Up" A Relationship
February 12th, 2016 10:15 PM

Recently I found myself on a plane. Not exactly unusual, but the fact that there were only 6 of us passengers was.  It was a ferry flight, one of the planes that had been moved to warmer climes in order to avoid the snowbound mess in the East Coast the previous weekend.

I ended up sitting next to a businessman in First Class discussing my thoughts on how several of his friends were encouraging him to “Freshen Up” his 7 year marriage. Apparently, things had gotten stale in his opinion. The demands of raising two small children, a heavy travel schedule, and too many extended family obligations had him actually considering having an affair to bring some life back in his zipless existence.

As an Empath, this tends to be a normal occurrence. Folks just LOVE to share their most personal, intimate details with me.  This, however, was a new topic. When I think of freshening up, I think of washing my hands, brushing my hair, or touching up my makeup. Never once would I have placed an affair in that category.

Intimate connections, whether physical or emotional, bind us all together. They are the glue of society, and the reason why we have poetry and the music industry. The best connections are those made with an open heart and an open mind. We’ve all had the experience of hitching our wagon to someone that didn’t have respect or integrity for our feelings. It sucked.

Let’s use SuperGlue as an example. If you aren’t being conscious and careful when applying this substance, you can end up adhered to things that you didn’t plan on. Sex is like that, too, except you are also now stuck to all of their partners’ energies as well. I explained to my traveling companion that the way that his friends were “freshening up” was in fact gumming up the partnership with their children’s mothers, a relationship entered into with a vow to be faithful and true.  Naturally, he was still at choice to go that route, but I encouraged him to first try to have an honest conversation with his wife. Let her know that he desires to rekindle the spirit of their marriage with some alone time, away from the children and generational family members. Maybe even consider some individual and couples counseling to get a common vocabulary to help with their communication.  I also asked him if he would be OK if SHE decided to use the same method of “freshening up”… the hard pause said it all.

How are you avoiding the hard questions in your relationships? If you are in one that isn’t working as well as you would like, are you turning to substances or over-focusing on a job to numb yourself to what’s not working? Turning to another as a distraction because you don’t know how to communicate with your partner anymore? Or is it a subtler issue like growing up around a parental pattern of infidelity? If you aren’t in one, then is there a story that all relationships are doomed to fail, that men all cheat, that all women are only in it for the money? All answers begin within. That’s where the questions are, too. It’s dark in there, but I guarantee you, once you turn on the light, it's not nearly as scary as you thought. 

Posted in:General and tagged: LoveSexRelationshipEnergy
Posted by Beverly Biehl on February 12th, 2016 10:15 PMPost a Comment