For years, I pretended. I pretended that I knew what I was doing. That I had it all together. That I wasn't afraid every day that I would be found out to be the fraud that I was inside my head.
When the day finally came for me to tell my family about some errors in judgement that one of my children had made, I thought that all of my carefully placed cards would come tumbling down around my head. And guess what? They did.
It was the best thing that could have ever happened to me.
Parenting is the most difficult job on this planet. No breaks, no vacations, and the kids keep changing the rules on you. Then there are societal pressures, family traditions, and unrealized childhood expectations of "I'm going to be a better parent than MY folks!" to contend with. So when a child consistently makes major errors in thinking, my knee-jerk reaction was "What have I done WRONG?" More than just a little introspection, counseling, and energetic clearing finally helped me to see that I didn't, that each of us comes into this world with a contract to learn certain lessons. I was able to accept that life for my children wasn't going to always look like the Hallmark card version I had envisioned, and that I could still love them through their mistakes.
I will be forever grateful to my kids, because without their struggles to contend with, I may never have pushed myself to find ISEE Global, the organization that taught me the energy tools that are my life path. I would never have the depth of compassion for troubled youth and their families. And I certainly would never have seen the inner workings of the legal system. It's fascinating stuff! Letting go of the shame of the belief that "if only I had parented better" was gut-wrenching, and I'll let you know when I get to the bottom of the "Why didn't I do XX sooner?" pool.
Finding out that I've had many past lives with family members and clearing up the unsettled karma from them has felt like a full-time job this past year. Images of a high priest wearing a jaguar-skin cloak performing a sacrifice on a young virgin especially selected to assuage the God eating the sun was a particularly powerful vision that led to a huge release of emotion. Yeah, maybe I was calling on images from Mel Gibson's "Apocalypto", but it felt so immediate while in trance. Of course, our subconscious mind strives to find images stored in our brain to help us make sense of the complex world of our right brain, so I'm never surprised when I'm shown a scene with familiar overtones. Grateful, in fact. Gives me some context.
The vacated bedroom has now become my haven, my sanctuary for guests when I'm not using it as a meditation space. Feng shui allowed me to take the former chaos that reined there and transform it into a place of tranquility adn beauty. The intuitive coaching techniques that I use with my clients transformed my heart and energy into deeper understanding and openness to what is. And that has made all the difference.
Blessings to you and yours, especially if there has been emotional upheaval and anger. May the peace and unconditional love that is your birthright be restored to you and your family. Namaste...