Recently I found myself on a plane. Not exactly unusual, but
the fact that there were only 6 of us passengers was. It was a ferry flight, one of the planes that
had been moved to warmer climes in order to avoid the snowbound mess in the
East Coast the previous weekend.
I ended up sitting next to a businessman in First Class
discussing my thoughts on how several of his friends were encouraging him to “Freshen
Up” his 7 year marriage. Apparently, things had gotten stale in his opinion. The
demands of raising two small children, a heavy travel schedule, and too many extended
family obligations had him actually considering having an affair to bring some
life back in his zipless existence.
As an Empath, this tends to be a normal occurrence. Folks
just LOVE to share their most personal, intimate details with me. This, however, was a new topic. When I think
of freshening up, I think of washing my hands, brushing my hair, or touching up
my makeup. Never once would I have placed an affair in that category.
Intimate connections, whether physical or emotional, bind us
all together. They are the glue of society, and the reason why we have poetry
and the music industry. The best connections are those made with an open heart
and an open mind. We’ve all had the experience of hitching our wagon to someone
that didn’t have respect or integrity for our feelings. It sucked.
Let’s use SuperGlue as an example. If you aren’t being
conscious and careful when applying this substance, you can end up adhered to
things that you didn’t plan on. Sex is like that, too, except you are also now
stuck to all of their partners’ energies as well. I explained to my traveling
companion that the way that his friends were “freshening up” was in fact
gumming up the partnership with their children’s mothers, a relationship entered
into with a vow to be faithful and true.
Naturally, he was still at choice to go that route, but I encouraged him
to first try to have an honest conversation with his wife. Let her know that he
desires to rekindle the spirit of their marriage with some alone time, away
from the children and generational family members. Maybe even consider some
individual and couples counseling to get a common vocabulary to help with their
communication. I also asked him if he
would be OK if SHE decided to use the same method of “freshening up”… the hard pause
said it all.
How are you avoiding the hard questions in your
relationships? If you are in one that isn’t working as well as you would like,
are you turning to substances or over-focusing on a job to numb yourself to
what’s not working? Turning to another as a distraction because you don’t know
how to communicate with your partner anymore? Or is it a subtler issue like growing
up around a parental pattern of infidelity? If you aren’t in one, then is there
a story that all relationships are doomed to fail, that men all cheat, that all
women are only in it for the money? All answers begin within. That’s where the
questions are, too. It’s dark in there, but I guarantee you, once you turn on
the light, it's not nearly as scary as you thought.